i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
