I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
