DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
