I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
