So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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