And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Randomize
