k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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