I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
