no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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