about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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