I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
