Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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