Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the condom got lost in my hair
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
