i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
