it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
