We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
