the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So much rum. So many feels.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
