I want to make a zoo with you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
