I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
