why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
