I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
