i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
