He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize