she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
