If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
