You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
