I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
