Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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