Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
