thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
