I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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