so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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