I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
