PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize