There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
