i just wanna soil my oats bro
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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