The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
