cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
