why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
