All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize