My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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