Pants 0. Shit 1.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
