I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
