But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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