i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
