i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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