he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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