My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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