My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
