he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize