I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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