i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize