Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize