Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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