So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
