Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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