Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
