And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
