So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
