theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
