Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize