I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
