It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
