I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
