woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
