Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Randomize
