one word: firstdatebathroomanal
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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