ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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