My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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