Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize