So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
