ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm getting married
To pizza
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
