The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
