nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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