It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
