I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
