Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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