Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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