Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
