I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
