Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't turn off my feet"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
