Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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