My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
