he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
