u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
