:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
