I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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