I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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