Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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