Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
