Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
