there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
