I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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