Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
